Is it cringe to be into trans men but not cis men? I’m a transfem and I don’t know if this is fetishistic but I’m just always feeling unsafe around cis men in a way trans men never made me feel. I feel guilty about it and don’t know how to explain it outside of that.
nah i think it’s valid. there are gonna be some ppl who will be weird abt it bc they’re obsessed with insisting that trans men are indistinguishable from cis men but that’s just simply not true. we’re different from cis men, so dating us will be a different experience, and that’s okay. it’s okay to want that different experience, especially as a fellow trans person. as long as you just treat them like a human being and don’t make weird comments about their genitals, which i’m sure won’t be a problem, then you’re all good. live ur t4t dreams.
and like. i kinda have weird feelings abt fetishization bc like ok.
i hooked up with a queer person who used all the right language and did all the right things, but then they told me they only date ppl who were afab, regardless of gender. they’ll fuck ppl who were amab but they won’t date them, only afab ppl. the further we got into the convo, it became clear that the reason they only wanted to date ppl who were afab is bc we are more likely to have been socialized to take on the brunt of the domestic and emotional labor in relationships. that hookup ended up lasting over an hour bc they kept interrupting sex to complain about their ex wife. by the end i was practically shoving them out the door because i was so uncomfortable.
the guy i’m hooking up with right now is very cis and found me through the ftm tag on grindr, so he was specifically looking for trans guys. he told me he’s into trans guys because he likes sleeping with masculine people, mostly men, but he also likes the way vaginas feel. could that be seen as fetishistic? sure. does it feel that way to me when we have sex? nope. he uses gender affirming language without even being asked, he tells me he’s super into my body and gets excited when he notices that i’ve grown more hair or had a t dick growth spurt. he likes my body because it’s trans, and i’m perfectly okay with that.
i felt so much more fetishized by the queer person who was actively seeking out afab ppl to take advantage of essentially patriarchal trauma than i ever have by the guy who just likes trans pussy. so i feel like we just really need to have a conversation about what it actually means to fetishize someone because it very much feels like it’s just become “thinks trans ppl are hot” and i hate that literally other trans ppl are scared of finding other trans ppl hot for fear of fetishizing. trans ppl are fucking hot! our trans bodies are hot! it’s okay to be sexually attracted to trans bodies!
I personally think that a lot of people have decided that "being attractive to something non-normative" = "fetishizing" which... Is just blatantly not true. But it's how you end up with people who think that someone who is explicitly (and perhaps only) attracted to trans/genderqueer bodies is an evil fetishizer instead of, you know. Someone who likes that kind of body. Same vein of thinking as people who think that those who are attracted to fat people are all chubby chasers with a fat/feeding fetish instead of just people who find fat bodies attractive.
Like imo? There is no fucking difference between saying "Oh yeah, I really like guy pussy" and "I really like big dick and muscles." It's just what you like, and I hate that when someone expresses that they like something that is seen as "not normal"- not a straight, cis, white, abled, thin body, people act like it's a fetish or it's objectifying. Because what that says, at least to me as a fat genderqueer transmasc, is that being attracted to me as I am is inherently not normal and not good. And that is a fucking SHITTY message to send.
The problem with trans chasers and chubby chasers and "fetishizers" (and honestly, people really need to like, read up on what a fetish is because I'm sick of seeing it used as some bad thing all the time, it's not) is that they treat people as not whole people. Whether, as in the example above, they take advantage of actual or perceived trauma and behavior associated with one's assigned gender, or as a personal example, they're only interested in sleeping with you because they've "never fucked a fat chick and hear that you girls give awesome head". People who do that shit see the people they go after as experiences or novelties, or as something exotic. A sex object that they can use.
Whereas someone who is just into trans bodies, fat bodies... They just like those bodies. And they will treat you as a whole person. You're not a sexual toy to them- you're a person that they think is hot, that they want to sleep with. They care about you and your body and what you need. Again, it's no different than someone who dates people with brown eyes or cool dyed hair because they find those things attractive. It's just "this is what I look for physically in a partner".
"cost of living crisis" give me a FUCKING break it's called "unprecedented corporate greed and income inequality" fucking cost of living crisis like it's just a natural or unexplainable phenomenon Christ
The fact that Judaism is trending because of both the wave of bomb threats on synagogues and Bradley Cooper's Antisemitism Adventure (his huge fake prosthetic nose, and him basically stealing the story from a Jewish man) is so infuriating and so exhaustingly typical.
The fact that I see Judaism trending on Tumblr and immediately think "oh no. Something Bad is happening to us." We're never trending cause it's fucking good. I never get to be excited, it's just cold dread.
The fact that Antisemitism is getting worse everyday and the only ones who ever talk about it are other Jews. The fact that no one else fucking cares. The only ones who support us are other Jews. Even when gentiles talk about Nazis or white supremacists they don't want to help us. We're just their prop, the canary in the coal mine and the perfect victim.
The fact that everyone's uncomfortable with Jews still being here. Reminding them of things they'd rather forget.
The fact that it'd be easier for them if we were all dead. Then they could tell stories about our people, dressed in offensive caricatures, without us making a fuss.
What people think the 80s was: synthwave neon legwarmers fun movies D&D Stephen King cute boys with mullets kissing each other under the bleachers
What the 80s actually was: AIDS crisis, neoliberalism, Reagan and Thatcher, unquantifiable levels of homo/transphobia, racist/patriarchal backlash against the radical gains of the 60s and 70s, Satanic Panic, rise of the evangelical right, collapse of socialism, collapse of the union movement, nuclear proliferation, tough on crime bills, mass incarceration, and most movies still sucked ass
[video: instrumental cover by three guys of the bridge of “Given Up” by Linkin Park, except it is “sung” by various clips of huskies screaming. end caption]
This is your friendly heads-up that if you want to travel to see the total solar eclipse coming up in the spring, now* is a good time to start making your arrangements!
This one will be visible as at least a partial eclipse to most of North America, with the path of totality cutting a diagonal from Sinaloa, Mexico to Newfoundland, Canada, including 15 US states from Texas to Maine.
Although we just had one a few years ago in 2017, we won't have another solar eclipse visible in the continental US until 2045--and the path of totality for the 2024 one is within driving distance for a much larger proportion of the US population than either 2017 or 2045. The Northeastern US won't see another until the 2070's.
For millions of people, including me, this will be a once-in-a-lifetime chance to see a total solar eclipse without getting on a plane. Hotels in major cities along the path of totality are already starting to fill up.
Last time, in 2017, I was able to see the partial eclipse from where I live, but it wasn't feasible to travel to see the totality. I heard from people who did see the totality that it's really quite something, so I decided back then that I was going to go to this one. (The one in 2079 might be a bit closer to where I currently live, but I'll be 101 by then, so I figure I'd better not wait.)
Erie, PA is the closest place for me to see it, and I figured I'd camp. I started looking into it last night, and pickings are pretty slim already. I lucked into a camping cottage at a park 20 minutes' drive outside the path of totality--I think someone must've cancelled recently, for me to get it, because out 87 spots, all they had left was 9 tent/trailer sites, and the one cottage.
So anyway, if you want to go, it's an overnight trip for you, and you don't want to end up sleeping in your car at a rest area, now's* the time!
(*Actually several months ago would have been the best time, but the second-best time is now.)
I think most importantly, it would give us the leverage to say “no”. To walk away from bad jobs and abusive managers. To refuse to work in unsafe environments. To demand better pay.
To demand better, because the options are no longer “suck it up” or “die”.
[ID: A tweet by _aceinthehole that reads: “yes universal basic income would allow us to survive between jobs but it would also allow us to grieve, after loss, to move, to care for others, to have children, to create art, to start new businesses, to be ill, to be disabled, to rest, to rest, to rest”]
[image caption: teen comix no fear t-shirt comic reading “no note bungus” at the first panel, with a green reblog icon on the second, and “1 note bungus” on the third. end caption]
welcome to ‘no note bungus’. reblog and you will feel a sense of accomplishment and goodwill wash over you
[image caption: teen comix no fear t-shirt comic reading “no note bungus” at the first panel, with a green reblog icon on the second, and “1 note bungus” on the third. end caption]
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